bang bang

till then

2011-12-18T00:52:00.001-08:00

So much to say in such a neglected blog. Time passed, events occured , hearts broken and healed, happy times remembered. Each day you become nearer to your grave. You read about death everyday and yet still you do not remember that it maybe you oneday. You forgot in your daily lives to carry out your responsibilities as a Muslim. You find excuses for petty things which is pretty much obvious should not be done. You forgot that little sins created will lead to big sins. You forgot that iman is much important above everything. You forget so many things because you have not thought about it. Why have you not thought about it? Because you say you are too busy. Syaitan indeed has managed to mislead you and many other people.

Should you manage to see the unseen, jannah and hellfire, I am sure that you would dedicate your life to the path of Allah. I hope I am not sounding extreme here but if you would think about your daily lives and how much you spend in a day just thinking of Allah swt, you probably realise that it maybe less than 5 minutes a day. Yes...out of 24 hours...5 minutes a day. If you would be able to see the blackened grief of regret on the face of those who have died, so much regret of not saying even one kalimat of lailahaillallah a day. Those who have not understood the rewards of these very simple things. Those people who would never ever be able to amend thmeselves. Come on, human are the best creation on earth. Allah swt has been given us an ability to think. Don't take it lightly. Use it to the full capacity. Allah's mercy has no boundaries. But that also does not mean you should take our Creator lightly. He has ordered us to pray 5 times a day. Do good. Do sunnat prayers. Read the Quran. Do zakat. Do sadaqah.

Don't waste time. Facebook will not be helping us is akhirat. Not Costa coffee. Not the internet.

Working is ibadat. Then sometimes it can easily turn into maksiat. Sin. Thats when you work and do zina the same time. Work for money you get nothing. But work for the sake of Allah and you will get everything.

I hate it when the press praises muslims turn aethist for speaking the truth etc. I used to hound YouTube for clips of these ignorant people talking, debating, giving speeches etc. At a point my hatred was raging that I started to post comments about these people, just telling them how wrong they were and nobody should listen to them. The reply was always someone who would be rude, offensive and always against Islam. After a while, I realised I was not going anywhere. Watching these type of people talk was a waste of time and gained me nothing. My iman was not getting any better and I was late for prayers. That was the impact and I regret those wasted times.

My mother fell ill with a dense left sided stroke earlier this year. It was a difficult time for us all. Very difficult. I never felt as sad as I felt back then, as far as I can remember in my whole life. But as muslims we belive in Qada and Qadar. We do not blame things. We accept it as Allah's will and carry on, trying to make the best of it. We truly believe that anything that comes in our way would be a test from Allah swt to make us better people, for us to remember Him or to gain us a higher place in Jannah. I believe in the promise of Allah swt as His promise is always true.

Sometimes so much talk and so little action. One day I will read this again and remember.

sakit

2011-01-27T00:08:00.000-08:00

Night time

Zahra and abdullah accidentally banged heads together

Zahra : oww...sakit, sakit

Abdullah : waa....sakit pewuttt sakit pewuuutt

Abang : (Abang came running in bedroom) ehh kenapa...dia sakit perut lah...shh shh (massaging abdullah's tummy)

team angry birds

2010-12-01T02:47:00.000-08:00

Giggling Zahra and Abdullah with my ever famous £10 marked Made in Italy (China) oversized handbag from Ebay which everyone seems to think is very expensive. I'll take a better picture of it next time. Abang can't stand it because inside it is sangat bersepah and koyak-koyak some more and he even wanted to buy me another.

But at the mo I am sticking to this one. I am actually happy it is fake leather. Mainly because I am so paranoid about widely used piggy leather nowadays. Shoes, leather bound books, bags, jean labels, iphone cases soooo banyak piggy in this world.

I was shocked when one of my muslim friend said it was OK to wear piggy leather. Erm, I don't know where she got that understanding but I am sticking to no to piggies now and forever.

Piccas

2010-10-29T00:05:00.001-07:00

Activities at home..

I am running out of ideas..

shorties

2010-10-20T05:06:00.000-07:00

Lovely sunny day today, jap lagi nak keluar..

Bliss now, staying at home, only thing I miss is money from working...heh

Abdullah was sleeping, and squeaked through his nose and then laughed at the sound of it in his sleep. Sometimes he even yawns in his sleep.

I managed to humiliate abang the other day. He was presenting to some Korean guys and suddenly his skype window popped up- which was me of course. Wondering why he wasn't replying I continued to do those animated little smiley faces which projected to the whole room. Bila balik dia cerita, tapi nasib baik tak marah (dia sangat susah nak marah, inshaallah). He said one of the guys then tetiba celik mata luas when sebelum tu asyik terlena je..hehehe.

Need to do something remarkable for my babies, so takde rasa menyesal when I start working again. Maybe I should start with them belajar the four kalimah which Allah swt paling suka
subhanallah, alhamdulillah, lailahail allah, allah hu akbar.

Abang just told me meninggalkan solat dgn sengaja adalah dosa besar. Sometimes you wonder whether the solat you have done di terima Allah or not. Ada terbaca hadith, org yang mati nak di hidupkan semula ke dunia sebab nak sembahyang sunat, kerana pahala dia amat besar. So boleh bayangkan betapa besarnya dosa meninggalkan solat wajib.

Moga kita semua dijauhkan dari seksa kubur dan neraka, melintasi titian sirat dengan selamat ke syurga.

Amazing things

2010-08-17T15:26:00.000-07:00

love is..

So lama tak update blog. Sekarang ni dah tak kerja, so best duduk rumah looking after my babies. So hard work lah, more work than hospital work lah looking after small children. My kiasu SpR asked me my career plans hence I told him my plan to take a year off to look after my babies. And goodness, such continuous advice he gave to me telling me that I had made the wrong decision etc. I don't think so, different people have different priorities. He maybe aiming high in his career, does not mean I am not. Just that I am also a mother, to two small children. They are not going to remain small. My career can wait, my babies can't. Does not mean I am quitting medicine, this is also part of what I am, a mother. Being a doctor is another part of me.

Yes, maybe I am not as ambitious as my colleagues. My beliefs are different, my priorities too. Thats what makes this world colourful.

It has not been easy previously with both of us working full time with two small children. Many people asked me how I did it. I could not give a straight answer, mainly because I have never thought about it. You just go on with your daily life and work etc, that you don't even have time to think about all this.

So far I can see that Abdullah and Zahra are certainly more happier with me staying home full time. Zahra has been more talkative and smiling and tantrums are now very rare. Abdullah at 15 months appears to be so clever. Only now have I noticed how much Zahra has missed me, and how much I realised I have missed her. Sometimes I cuddle her and kiss her little fingers which had grown so much as I remember them being so tiny before.

Beautiful people

2010-06-10T03:24:00.000-07:00

Are not those with perfect figures and smooth silky skin. Not those who look pretty and nice which makes people turn. But those with a good heart.

I once knew a beautiful person. A mother of four. She has now left to go back to Malaysia. Her mannerism and her ways inspires me. The way she always, always put other people first rather than herself. Always there to help people no matter how difficult it would be. She is one in a million.

stress

2010-05-22T05:37:00.000-07:00

ok stress part 2

Stress tak habis habis. My right eyelid is constantly twitching like mad and I am not the only one who is experiencing this. Need to cool down.

Just came back from BUPA for Abdullah's appointment. His eczema is worse than we thought. Good thing with private healthcare is having outpatient appointments on a Saturday. His eczema is another reason why I think I need to take next year off. I thought him being smaller than his sister when she was his age was maybe that he followed abang's skinny genes. But it maybe that he is constantly stressed due to his eczema/lack of sleep that his gowth hormone is also affected? More worry..

His eczema has not been easy to control since he was 3 months. In the morning he would wake up covered with blood from scratching. Now he sleeps with bandages. Kesiannya

Sometimes when stress banyak sangat we turn to people and seek help from people. We put our hope on people, money etc. But sebenarnya we always forget that only Allah and Allah only can help.

tarik rambut

2010-05-13T22:34:00.001-07:00

gila stress

Di sebabkan stress sangat nak cerita masa zaman awal-awal kenal husband tersayang. Masa tu buat orthopaedics and sangatlah sebuk. Setiap hari balik lambat. Satu hari balik kerja lepas tu kakak pun cakap, ada org dah akak carikan untuk myself. So saya pun buat muka seposen sebabnya mmg banyak pun org mana mana yang kakak saya carikan untuk saya. I just knew his name and age and what he did and where he was from. Then totally forgot about it.

That year also balik raya. My sister flew back first and then myself. Sampai je Bangi, my sister asked me to guess who was coming for berbuka. I had no idea and guessed my aunts, cousins and sedara mara lain. My sister then said, no lah, Muhaimin nak datang. I was shocked, and excited.

The day before he came, my dad brought a new sofa set. I suppose that was a good sign? My ayah pula yang sangat excited.

Because he was my sister's friend's husband's friend, and my sis's friend herself wore a purdah, it was kinda planned, organised. When he arrived, the men and women were seperated masa berbuka, which was nice coz you get to eat without malu. Saya pun mengintai dari dapur tgk org asing ini, pastu dalam hati ingat 'errr sesuai ke dia ni, macam ustat ustat je nampak mcm baik sangat'. After berbuka, the men went to the mosque and came back. After they came back was the suai kenal session. Gila kelakar masa teringat. Duduk around meja, me, my mum, my sis's friend and my husband lepas tu kena cakap cakap. Dahla sangat malu, tapi rasa macam nak gelak sebab tak penah buat, dah muka pun tersengih sengih macam orang ntahapa hapa.

But once he spoke, his voice was gentle yet firm, his words was clear and I knew that his intention was ikhlas. His appearance and words portrayed a very nice, humble and wise person.

I wouldn't say I fell in love immediately. I think because I was constantly thinking whether he would be suitable for me and accept the rebelious person that I am. Nanti takut lepas kahwin die suruh duk umah je tokleh kerja macam mana. Nanti dia paham ke kerja doktor macam mana.

But I suppose the love developed. After that session. I remember he looked at me only once, and that was when I was stiffling a giggle and looking down as I found the whole suai kenal episode sangat kelakar. It only lasted for about 3 minutes though and then it was isya and the men went to the mosque for prayers.

He won my heart by winning my parents first. After that suai kenal he informed my parents the day after saying that he would like to go ahead with marriage. Sangat cepat and terkejut saya. Tak habis lagi jet lag. From my said I gave no confirmation as I thought everything was happening too fast (tak sedar diri dah tua).

But he continued to win the heart of my parents. He made no contact with me at all, but sent regular emails to my mum. I read every single email, as I asked my mum for her password email account haha. It was always so sweet and nice. I felt so loved already and it was a nice warm feeling.

Until now, he remains the gentlest sweetest and funniest husband. Never has he raised his voice to me at any time. His understanding of my work and on calls and the way he manages our babies makes him a perfect husband and father. I am sure that everyone thinks the world of their husband, and I am not an exception. I thank Allah swt for this blessing and many other.

sparkle man

2010-04-23T02:24:00.000-07:00

I thought I dreamt that abang came back from jumaa, took of his juba and sparks flying everywhere off him. I told abang the next day. Apparently it did happen, because of the static on his juba and the room was dark, it looked like he had hundred of sparks flying off him. I don't know why but I smile everytime I remember it.

I think I am going to take another year off work again. Not for a baby this time but to spend time with my babies. I am going to miss work but its abang's turn to concentrate on his career and I will do what I do best (not) ie mum and housewife. I do love my job, but there are other priorities in life.

My little girl is now so big..

And you too Abdullah..

Pray for me.

Time out

2010-03-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

'But I can't wait until Monday', he said.

'I'm sorry, but they don't do elective ultrasounds here over the weekend. Marking for an ascitic drain is not considered as an emergency', I replied.

His skin was a colour of grey, deathlike colour.

I attempted the drain in vain after explaining the complications. He was more than happy to proceed. His last scan showed disease progression from his pancreatic cancer. He was still on chemotherapy, palliative chemo.

I failed to do the drain. His omental disease was so thick and on percussing his abdomen I knew that his bowels were grossly distended and any further try would risk perforating his bowels.

I handed it over. My colleague then managed to insert the drain. He was obviously more of a risk taker than I was.

The following night I went to see him again. He had drained 5 litres and still draining. But he was contiunously vomitting bilious fluid. Despite have drained that 5 litres of fluid his abdomen remained grossly distended, in fact more than it had been before.

He was uncomplaining, smiling a feeble smile to me greeting me in a cheerful manner and asking me how I was. I tried to stay cheerful too, a hollow feeling in my heart knew he was nearing the end. His colour, his mood, his state overall was not right.

I examined him. He was as dry as a bone. Took some bloods to check his renal function and stuck him on some IV fluids, knowing that some of that would just increase the amount of his ascites. His abdo X-ray showed dilated loops of bowel with ascites in the background. From clinical examination and X-ray it did not seem that he had perforated.

His lab results came back. He was in acute renal failure and hyperkalaemia.

An hour after I finished my on-call, he was found slumped on his chair with vomitus near him. In view of his disease, he was not for resus. He was only 50 when he died. He was right. He couldn't wait until Monday.

This job includes dealing with at least one patient dying every week. The more I see, the harder it gets, not any easier. The term practice makes perfect applies to all except this. I see these patients deteriorating in front of me. I could still feel my eyes water as I tell the family that their loved ones is dying, not for ITU, have died etc.

Then my mind lingers on to thoughts of how they are in the grave. What is happening to them now. Have I made a mistake of not conveying to them the message of Islam?

Allah swt will give hidayah to those who ask for it, and to those He wants them to have it. Even though you think your iman is strong, never forget to ask for hidayah from Him.

spill it out

2010-02-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

Cakap melayu. Nama pun org melayu kan. Semalam masa tanya patient mat salleh history tertanya 'you went to school apa?'... errrr. Nasib baik makcik tu konpius tak kisah, dah asyik ingat dia kat school dah terkonpius sama.

Baru perasan gila lama takde kawan melayu. Asyik kawan dengan org kaler kaler ngan mat salleh je. Macam diri sendiri takde kaler je. Last time kawan melayu agaknya last year. Junior medic. Skrg dia dah pindah ke Midlands keje sana. Tu pun bukannya keluar banyak pun cam tu je. Tapi ada abang ok la kot, tu yg tak perasan takde kawan melayu sgt. Dah tu jumpa dengan org melayu pun bukannya reti nak cakap apa. Takde topic. Unless kalau org tua sikit. Best sikit sbb banyak nasihat. Tapi mana nak cari org berumur banyak sikit kat tempat ni.

Gila homesick. Nak balik msia jumpa mak ayah adik adik. Mama bapak, opah, mak sedara, pak sedara. Selalunya balik sekurang kurangnya setahun sekali. Nih dah terlebih had dah. Asyik sebuk je memanjang, sampai bila pun sebuk. Nama pun dunia.

Abang takde hujung minggu ni, keluar jemaah. Dulu masa mula mula kahwin sampai masa abang nak keluar je air mata keluar mencurah curah. Yelah takde anak anak. Tapi kalau pasal keluar je abang sangat tegas. Nangis air mata darah pun agaknya dia pergi juga. Everything else dia akan mengalah kecuali yang ini. Sebelum keluar dia belikan groceries. Agaknya dia tahu isterinya tak shopping sakan kot, yelah camne nak shopping dengan dua anak kecil. Ni nak kena pikir activity apa nak buat hari ni dengan zahra dan abdullah. Kemas rumah and pergi library kot, mungkin pergi park. Setelah sekian lama akhirnya diri ini dah menerima kenyataan bahawa kemas rumah adalah kewajipan setiap hari and bukannya hujung minggu je.

Bunga bunga hati

Zahra 26 months sekarang dah cakap macam orang besar
'Abdullah tunggu nanti kakak datang'
'Sorry Abdullah' -bila ter bump into abdullah
'Makkk come niii Abdullah jatuh!!!!!!!!!' - bila Abdullah tumbang tersenget sikit from sitting position
'Abdullah..dangess...no no' - (dangerous, no no)
'Mummy, kakak nak bread please'
'Kakak see aeroplane flying high in the sky, where aeroplane mak?'

She knows the P's but not so much Q's.

Loves paper and pen. She did her wall artwork when she was about 14 months old. Panjat meja and took a permanent marker on the desk while I was asleep. Until now I have no idea macam mana dia panjat the chair and onto the desk because it was rather high. When I woke up I nearly fainted, and she was going 'oh no!' siap tutup mulut buat muka terkejut lagi (her Spot book ada Spot comot after painting going oh no). Jenuh cuci dinding katil. Last last bila pindah cat je dinding .

Ni draw bear pulak

Dengan snowman

Babies and cake

Abdullah pula? Suka main iphone. Jari kecik dia tu slide slide je kat screen. But still tanak crawl yet at 9 months. Dia takut tumbang. Takpe nanti kita extensive training.

Sayang anak anak comel tapi maknya homesick sikit!

helo

2010-01-10T06:03:00.000-08:00

You have to understand my constant boring updates on work. Maybe I need to get a hobby. Alhamdulillah work is good. Getting better I suppose as I am getting better at it but nothing of that is from my part.

I have not got much to say apart from the usual- weather. Outside is breathtakingly beautiful. As far as I can remember this has been the thickest snow since I came in 2000. I was stuck in the snow post on-call last week at 10 o'clock at night, strandad, actually thinking that I had to spend the night at the hospital when a kind soul came and pushed my car out of the snow.

OK, above is a picture of Abdullah and Zahra in London taken about 2 months ago. Abang has just came in and said 'amboiii' as we're suppose to go out so I am ending this here.

Nothing much

2009-12-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

Its my week off and I am so enjoying it. I miss spending time with my babies. This week its like learning about them all over again. And them learning about their mummy spoiling them endlessly.

Its nearly three years I have been married. Each day just becomes sweeter. Am still waiting for my 10k Gucci birthday handbag from abang but from the way he spoils me everyday beats any Gucci handbag. Sometimes when he's not watching I just look at him and am so thankful to Allah for him. Maybe after I have written this I will find something to argue with him about, but the way he manages Abdullah and Zahra, and me, makes me so proud.

Ni gara gara baca buku Judith McNaught la nih. Blame it on my sister.

I suppose in a way blogging is good. Reading my previous entries reminds me of how the past was. Staying at home, worry free, laundry, cooking and looking after Zahra. Now, I have more responsibilities. I came back from work the other day and say a little baby in a car seat. So comellll.... me and abang once discussed how many children we are going to have. I don't think its going to stop at two?

helo

2009-09-29T02:13:00.000-07:00

I suppose my long period of absence reflects how I am trying to juggle between family and work. Long period of absence my arse.

I am so anti-park-n-ride

Otherwise work is good. Nights in particular, theres an en suite on call room that we use when its not busy and man, nights here is pretty relaxed compared to my previous workplace. My colleagues are the funnest people on earth to work with. With an exception of a GP wannabe who is sangatlah malas and rasa macam nak sepak handover ABG for ?PE at 4pm? .. whatttt.. okla baik tapi malas

Eid? Lets not even mention it.What is there to celebrate when you've just been working during Ramadhan and not done much?

Happiness means opening the house door after work to be greeted with squeals, laughter and smiles from Zahra, Abdullah and dear abang.

Washing machine broken. Went to Oxford to visit friends and brought with us 2 large Ikea bags full of dirty laundry. With babies how can we survive without a frigging washing machine.

What else. Its good to read friends' blogs and see that everybody is happy with their lives. Me too. With everything as it is, I just hope I can do more for the lifeafter.

Hugs

little car

2009-08-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

OK dah masuk kerja

Sungguh lembap ok. New hospital, familiar faces, new computers, new forms making my work double. Just need to get used to it.

We downgraded our car to a small suzuki swift. That little car can do up to 63mpg. Great or what? The BMW dulu pun can do 30mpg je. Only thing is kalau bawak in motorway kena duk lane paling kiri je lah. If nak overtake pun muka sposen je and tokleh nak rasa riak. Also I don't understand why I always yawn when driving it. But its a real saver lah, money wise.

Also takde central locking. If leaving the car sometimes tak lock pun.

First day of work I cried leaving my babies behind. Sambil drive sambil nangis. Habis make up. Isteri pak imam jaga Abdullah saw me cry she also cry. Sama sama lah cry. Sedih sangat, nak buat macam mana. But alhamdulillah, Allah has granted my babies wonderful people to look after them.

Good thing I noticed, while working I managed to concentrate fully. Work is work, family is family. Family comes first at all time and may Allah accept my niat in working.

Starting nights next week. Wow

Back to work

2009-07-22T04:25:00.001-07:00

In two weeks time..

So gonna treasure this precious limited time left with my babies. No more napping in afternoon with them, no more lie ins, no more itu ini...etc etc

Back to reality, back to another priority in my life, another responsibility

Saya rasa rindu sudah pada anak anak. Doa setiap hari somebody better than me will be looking after them, watch them grow, be a perfect example in their life. Love and care for them, these little people of jannah, suci dari dosa, di jamin syurga.

Abdullah is now bald. I don't know whether to be glad or not now that his cradle cap is completely gone. I actually miss picking on it while he feeds.

Kicap

2009-07-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

Zahra saw my sister eating the usual favourite, telur goreng, rice and kicap kipas udang. She cried out.. 'auntie dirty!dirty! ' while pointing towards the kicap and rice, siap tarik her hand away lagi..hheheh

Abang got his birthday pressie, he was delighted. As usual used recycled wrapping paper and the card that I gave him in 2007 and reused in 2008. Thats the good thing about buying an extra large card I suppose, can always add in new words, old vows always remain the same.

Bedtime

2009-07-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

Zahra trying to wear Abdullah's T-shirt. Abdullah 2 months. I don't know how to cut the music short.

Work

2009-07-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

InshaAllah will resume work in August.

Thoughts are preoccupied with who to take care of babies. Would I be able to cope? Will I still have time to look after family and husband? Household chores? Time will tell.

Would like to find a wet nurse for Abdullah if possible, hence their carer need to be a good muslim. Colour is not an issue.

Totally forgotten abang's birthday soon coming. Maybe should buy him chocolates delivered to his office and buy a large cheesecake from Waitrose. Would like to make him something myself but sempat kah?

Zahra so sayang her adik. We took her out the other day and left Abdullah with my sister. She was crying endlessly saying .. 'adik..adik...'. Usually they will sit side by side in their car seat. Then, another time I was ironing and she was with her juice. She wanted me to open it for her to drink. Abdullah was in his bouncer. I told her to wait, so she did. Then she went to her brother and said... 'adik...nak air?'. Cute :). When I am praying and Abdullah cries, she would rock her brother in his bouncer and say 'shh shh'. Caring and loving big sister she is.

Zahra..smile for the camera!!

Cute

2009-06-20T21:16:00.001-07:00

Zahra sprinkled powder on her brother's nose and then ran away in horror wondering why her brother looked different.

Missing you

2009-06-12T15:25:00.000-07:00

Zahra is out with her father as usual. I miss her dearly, I do. If I were to start work again, what should I do? Thinking about it sometimes brings tears to my eyes. I can't think of anything but prayers that Allah swt take care of her and Abdullah to become the people of Jannah.

Babies

2009-06-05T11:33:00.001-07:00

Fatima Azzahra, 17 months, Abdullah, 1 month

Anak

2009-06-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

Talk malay lah

Anak anak ku sangat comel, I can't be more thankful. Zahra showers Abdullah with butterfly kisses every 5 minutes or so and Abdullah when kepenatan kena cium will go 'hmmpphhhh'

Sometimes she wakes him up from sleep with her kisses. It makes me worry whether Abdullah is getting enough sleep for a baby. The other day I had put Abdullah to sleep on the bed, and gave Zahra some cheesy puffs. Then went to the toilet. When came back into the room, Abdullah was awake again. I thought, it couldn't be Zahra, she was in the living room eating her cheesy puffs. But I looked at his forehead and sure enough evidence was there, it was full with cheesy puffs kiss marks!

He is quite a wriggler. Several times I have found him on his tummy already. When put in the middle of the bed, he wriggles to the side of the bed. It must be the heat.

We are tired parents, but its so worth it.

The delivery with Abdullah was, I must say much better! Maybe because I knew what to expect, and even though I planned for epi, by Allah's will managed with just gas and air. My confinement? No such thing. Only had abang to help with, but alhamdulillah we managed. My confinement diet consisted of Nigerian, Indian, Pakistani food. Which made me realise I have more international friends than malay lah.

Sekarang ni need to diet sahaja and exercise. Abdullah calling

Not pregnant now

2009-04-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

Meet little no name baby boy yet,weighing 3.8kgs, born on 26th of April 2009. I am glad we didn't find out the gender before birth for it was certainly a nice surprise. Name will be announced on the 7th day.

The star of the time is certainly dear sister zahra who was such a lovely little lady being patient all that time while mummy was away. All praises to Allah swt for these blessings in life.

Not forgetting abang, who always would be the best midwife, above all midwives, for me haha

39 weeks

2009-04-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

In 2 days time I'll be 40 weeks pregnant.

With zahra I didn't get to feel the pregnancy to last like this long. She couldn't wait to see the world and came out early at 36 weeks. I no longer walk but waddle, when I eat crumbs collect on my bulging tummy like some fat kid. Surprisingly I could sleep flat on my back, one thing I couldn't do when I was pregnant with zahra. I wake up every half hour at night to use the loo. My fingers and legs are swollen, and so many other things I could complain about but abang says don't complain, nanti kurang pahala.

But the main thing is, I can't wait to meet my little baby.

This morning I made an extra hot chicken biryani hoping that it would stimulate baby to come out, but no. I can't really take long walks because I will need to use the loo every ten minutes. Having to rush to the loo, when theres none is such an unpleasant experience. Maybe I should try that raspberry leaf tea, because I just know pineapples will have no effect on me whatsoever. Birth bag is ready. Zahra's care is all arranged. Abang is all ready. Baby, when are you coming out?

35 weeks

2009-03-18T02:36:00.000-07:00

I love him..more than words can say..

32 weeks

2009-03-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

Already.

More stuffs to be done, less time to blog and with one active and cute toddler I have all the excuses in the world not to blog.

Have not packed birth bag yet, need to discuss painkiller options - man I am so going to take everything, need to pack zahra's bag, pay for tickets booked to go back to Msia, apa lagi..bla bla bla

Thinking about labour freaks me out, seriously tak tipu. With zahra the midwife didn't want to give me anymore pethidine after the initial dose because I totally zonked out for a good few hours. The pain after that shot wore off was so intense that I couldn't sit still enough for the CTG tracing, let alone for the midwife to check how dilated I was.

So nya, I did it my way. There was no 'ok now push..push' from the midwife or anything cause she didn't know when I should push. I could not sit still even for a second. I did everything myself, please note - I am not being arrogant here, just sharing my experience. I did ask for epidural for a number of times, but what can you do but be patient when your baby has decided to come out on a busy Friday night.

Seriously horror.

So when the anaesthetist did come, which was a SHO btw (come on la) , she took her own sweet time to consent me for the procedure. Dah la lambat, lagi mau lambatkan masukkan epidural. Kan dah cakap malayu. So I stopped her halfway and shouted dgn marahnya 'Saya seorang doctor saya tahula!' Urmm translate sendirilah.

The whole room went quiet. Do not mess with an angry doctor in labour. Or sapa-sapalah in labour. Kesimpulannya kalau saya nak pethidine, maknanya saya nak la. Saya tertidur selepas pethidine sebab dah beberapa malam tak tidur kat hospital tu, bukannya senang nak tidur di hospital rupanya. Tapi tgk pesakit tidur berdengkur2 macam best sangat je tidur kat hospital ni. Kalau saya kata hentikan syntocinon infusion hentikanlah. With contractions coming every 5 secs nak tunggu uterus rupture ke. Kalau saya nak epidural tu datanglah cepat sikit. Dahla tak berjaya masukkan. Siap cucuk kat bone lagi. OK lah. I am being selfish. Maybe other mommies needed to be attended more urgently.

So the anaesthetic reg came and managed..yayy. When just about to give epidural- I told them 'baby is coming out!' and so tak sempat la nak merasa epidural. When zahra was born, all I remember was that she was smiling and I was thinking--eiiiii cheeky, I was in so much pain and you are smiling? Abang grabbed her immediately and softly whispered athan into her ear, and for me- twas magical...no kidding. NOT a SINGLE FEELING of PAIN. Gone. Just like that. Like magic. To hold her in my arms, felt so good, I was overwhelmed.

When your in labour, you don't really care for anyone else except yourself. Never have I thought that I would be experiencing so much physical pain in my life. The poor midwife stayed by my side for the whole time, only after zahra was born did I notice how tired she looked, and I thanked her whole heartedly for everything she had done.

And the best part was when the nurses pushed the bed with me cuddling zahra on it. Best gila. Lalu corridor, naik lift semua dok atas katil. Kalau boleh nak ajak abang join sekali. Patutla ada pesakit yang buat2 sakit tanak balik rumah. Moral is - doa banyak2 and banyak baca quran agar Allah swt permudahkan dan kurangkan sakit semasa bersalin.

28 weeks

2009-02-04T21:40:00.000-08:00

So I am now 28 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy is taking its toll on me. I am not complaining but more like whining. Which is the same as complaining. I have gained a lot, yes a lot, and the only time I realised was when I recently looked at our snowy pictures taken in the past 2 days.

Immediately I called up abang and told him how much I have gained etc etc. I think I am the opposite to anorexic, as when anorexics see themselves fat, I see my own reflection as just fine. It must be the mirrors in this house.

So abang listened with all his patience despite being busy at work and said I looked ever so beautiful. Wrong thing to say lah. Such demotivating words when I was planning to start a healthy not so totally fat free diet.

Zahra or dottie (was what I called her when I thought this blog would be anonymous) calls baby number 2 ... 'aaaataq'. Which means adik. We still don't know the gender of baby, but would be thankful if it is either a girl or boy. Abang had a dream recently of baby and now he says he knows the sex but he won't tell me.

I must be mad thinking about starting work again, soon. Thing is we need the money, and probably I would strengthen these poor ligaments and muscles ready for birth. Staying at home with Zahra in a one bed house does not do them good. Zahra, on the other hand has grown so much that I think she is ready for me to leave her with someone else, someone I trust. She is my precious baby.

Can't think of any

2009-01-14T20:21:00.000-08:00

Goodness its been ages since I last wrote. To be honest, I now think that this whole blog idea is a waste of time. Again. I have been writing on and off since the last 5 years but none of my blog lasts. Halfway through, I feel that I don't really want people to know whats happening in my life, my thoughts and all. Anyways, lets see how long this blog lasts eh..

Baby number 2 is so much active. I think more than how dottie used to be. Dottie, btw, is such an adorable toddler. Sangat comel, her mumbles, her soft hum when she listens to abc on youtube, her bebels with her toys, her shh shhh when shes pretending to cook with her non stick pans stirring with her sudip, her conversation when pretending to talk on the phone, totally like typical malaysian- with jerit jerit on the phone some more... and so the list goes on.

Will write again.

Non

2008-12-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

I have abandoned this blog for so long. Partly because I don't feel blogging and partly because more keys from my laptop are missing and I don't want to get early arthritis from using it. My baby was soo good that Fujitsu UK can't do anything about it. So I have to live with it.

Apart from being 21 weeks pregnant with baby No. 2 nothing much has happened. A lot of people that I once knew passed away recently in Ramadhan and Syawal, and that made me think a lot. About stuffs. I say a lot as relatively compared with other months of the year, it felt like nearly everyday, there was news about someone gone.

Fasting, bfeeding, nausea and vomitting does not go together. As a result I missed a few days of fasting, so Ramadhan did not go as planned. Maybe I could if I tried a little bit harder. Puking your guts out with dottie sounding like R2-D2 in the background crossed between funny and miserable. This time I survived my nausea period thanks to dottie. I mean how could you think about yourself when you've got an adorable bouncing baby, with a full bursting nappy, babbling non stop and pokes your nose and eyes when you try to get your eyes shut.

BTW, dottie is one now. I made some cupcakes from magnolia buttercups recipe and they were awesome. My husband is away from us now, I miss him heaps. Whenever we talk on the phone its like falling in love all over again. OK, enough, must be the hormones.

Ramadhan ..

2008-09-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

Dottie is on my lap helping me blog today, she is checking out my continuous grammer mistakes.

I fried some samosas for sahur, now the whole house smells like samosas. Yesterday, we attempted to make murtabak as I was so mengidam to have some. So abang kindly made some. Using frozen pratha and some mince meat. It looked like 2 pratha with some mince meat in the middle. Abang can be so stubborn sometimes. I told him to look up the recipe in the internet but no, he wanted to make it his way. Which turned out like that. Then he added an egg so the two pratha would stick together. Then it became roti canai telur with mince meat in the middle. It was....edible.

Abang has no cooking skills whatsoever. Even abang admits this. I don't blame him as mum-in-law is the greatest cook I have ever met. Plus its not his responsibility anyway to do the cooking. Though, once in a while it would be nice to taste his cooking for a change. He never complains about my cooking, but boy, its soo hard to dine out. He opts for home cooked food at all time.

When I was pregnant with dottie I so wanted to have curry but being busy with work, abang kindly made it for me. The first thing I noticed when I came back from work was that there was no usual curry smell in the house. Secondly, the jar filled to the brim with tumeric powder was left less than half. It turned out that abang did not use any curry powder for the curry, instead he had used tumeric powder. I ate it anyway as not to hurt his feelings on his first attempt of chicken curry. My fingers and tongue turned yellow and had to be scrubbed to wash away the colour. The taste? Tengik ok..hahhaha.

So I no longer ask abang to make curry. Never in a million years.

Why is it during Ramadhan I always talk about food. When theres other stuffs that I could talk about. Like do you know if you stayed up during Lailatul Qadr, praying and reading the Quran, sincere for Allah swt is equivalent to you doing amalan for 80 years, for every night. Thats like a whole lifetime. Is that a good deal or is that a good deal. Thats the bestest deal. Why can we stay up during night to watch movies, or to tend to our babies, or to work or study but we are so weak to stay up to pray? When the gifts from Allah is unimaginable, if we do so, yet we still fail. And Allah's promise is true.

If only we can see the ganjaran which will wait for us in jannah. Then we will forget everything else and pray,pray and pray. Asking for His forgiveness and pleasing Him at all time. Dunia is not forever, even now the dunia is old. Yet akhirat is forever. There is no turning back.

This reminder is really for myself. I am so weak, and pray always that Allah swt grant hidayah to me and all the muslims in the world inshaAllah.

Little echo

2008-09-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

We just had sahur. Scrambled eggs on toast with cheese. Dottie didn't join us for sahur today. Abang is at the mosque doing subuh prayer.

My baby sister has arrived to further her study here. Like me, there were no tears during departure at KLIA. Instead she got a good scolding from dad. Hahaha.. I guessed that already. I had the same experience. Anyway, I know he's actually a big softie looking all stern and firm on the outside. Afterall my sister did saw his eyes water on the day of my nikah. Whereas I was grinning my face off. I found the formality too amusing.

We have a little echo in the house. No, not 'the others' experience this time. This time its dottie. She would echo everything we say to her. Like, if I say.. 'lets have bread and cheese', she'll say cheese. 'Do you want susu?' , she'll go susu. 'Mana ayah?'... she replied 'dia tak ada'... seriously.. hahahhahah. Its the second time now. If we ask her mana? she will either reply 'ada' or 'tak ada' with melayu baku effect. So cute.

Uh oh abang is back and I haven't done subuh.

NL

2008-09-13T13:51:00.001-07:00

Urghh..

Nasi Lemak overdose. Feel sick.

We brought dottie to the zoo today. My, did she enjoy herself. We thought she was still young to notice the animals but she certainly proved us wrong. Only mummy and daddy was a bit exhausted because of Ramadhan.

Spiders

2008-09-11T00:12:00.000-07:00

Our house is full of spiders, big ones, small ones. They live in our car as well. I don't really mind them nor does dottie, but dear abang does. They look pretty harmless, and I know they are. The only creature I can't stand are slugs. Disgusting.

Ironically, among dottie's first words was spider (pronounced 'der'). Then theres abang going on muttering spider in his sleep.

Mum-in-law will be sending dottie a baju kurung for raya. I am glad for that, at least it'll save her from looking like a baby from stone age if I handmake one for her.

It was good to meet up with old friends from medschool the other day. It was like a small reunion. It actually felt so good to be talking to medic friends again. Felt like a normal conversation was going on. Of course I have dear abang and dottie to talk to everyday, I mean dottie is an awfully good listener and responds appropriately to what I go on about. But I have yet to figure out what 'aaatitatitatia' or 'adaaa' or 'tdrtdrtdr' means. Abang, on the other hand has been saying 'maybe its a placebo effect' for the 2nd time this week with a smug look on his face. I regret now talking to him about placebo effects. I'm sure I'll be hearing it several more times before he forgets about it.

Ramadhan

2008-09-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

Sabar itu separuh dari iman.

There is so much meaning in those 5 words. Alhamdulillah Ramadhan is here again. Last year, even though being pregnant I missed some days of fasting. Having to work and carry my baby around, I experienced some near fainting episodes and broke my fast everytime it happened. I kept on thinking at that time, which was more important, work or my duty as a muslim. I am so weak.

So now alhamdulillah, Allah has answered my question. I have the whole Ramadhan not needing to work. I have been given this opportunity and I just hope that Allah swt would give me the hidayah to increase my amal.

There is so much that I want to write but there is little time.

Eid

2008-08-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

Cannot wait some more for this years Eid..yeaaa

Last year's Eid was a disaster. It was the first Eid that I celebrated with my husband and I even forgot to kiss his hand and wish him Selamat Hari Raya. My whole family from Malaysia was here and I was stuck in hospital doing clinic and tending patients. I did plan to leave early but as the afternoon came, I realised there was no hope. In the end I left at about 7 in the evening.

So hopefully this year, Eid would be a blast. Am planning to make dottie a small baju kurung..hehehhe. Lets hope it happens. Dottie would wear anything with a smile. Am so thankful I am free to celebrate Eid this year, though dear abang would probably be working :(. But still, thats better than me working too, at least I can prepare something special for us to have on Eid morning.

6 months Dottie in Bournemouth

See, I can cook

2008-08-27T09:05:00.001-07:00

I can make..cupcakes

Topped with strawberry icing..

And chicken garlic pizza..

And the taste, I think, is not too bad..

Though some may disagree.. (dottie stop exaggerating!)

Taz

2008-08-23T14:44:00.000-07:00

Dottie = whirlwind.

Everywhere, everything she passes by, will be out of its original place. You could actually follow her trail where shes been exploring in the house.

Sooo difficult to cuddle and kiss her now. Only at night time when shes deep in sleep can I cuddle her to my hearts content.

Sooo difficult to eat. She now cries with her mouth shut to be released from her chair during mealtimes afraid that I will pop food into her mouth. I think she takes after dear abang who has not much interest in food unlike her mummy who has food constantly on her mind.

Sooo terer doing magic. I found keropok ikan in her nappy. And other stuffs that I can't remember as too amazed.

Sooo efficient. She is stuffing everything she could find behind the bed's headrest. I was wondering where my belongings were missing when one day she was yelling for help- she was trying to stuff her bottle down which was stuck halfway.

Legs, arms goes everywhere while sleeping. Feet usually on poor daddy's face. The other night we were sleeping in the living room as we had guests, and twice found her sleeping under the coffee table.

I give up on this laptop. She managed to korek another 2 keys out. Its always 2 at a time. I wonder why.

And this is only half of it.

Bertuah.

Funny baby

2008-08-17T22:22:00.001-07:00

Dottie is kinda funny. Now she has learnt to explore, she so often bump, fall, bangs her head - but never cries unless it was really painful, this rarely happens though.

She is one determined baby.

But funnily she cried, when I coughed. Dear abang sneezes, coughs and has hayfever, eczema- you name it, the whole atopy package, whereas I seldom cough. So when dear abang coughs, she would just stare with saucer wide like eyes.

The other day when I coughed, her face screwed up, eyes watered and big fat drops of tears rolled down her cheeks.

Then it got really silly because when I saw my baby cry, I cried as well. Which sent me into another coughing fit.

Konpius

2008-08-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

What is it with dottie and wipes?

She was surrounded by toys of all kind.

And she managed to spend nearly 1/2 hour playing with just her wipes.

Baby

2008-08-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

The other night whilst I was clearing away dear dottie's toys after she had fallen asleep, I felt sad..

"My baby is growing up"

'You're still young, thats your fault. Theres so much you have to know'

New month

2008-08-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

Gosh, its August already...

And another 2 keys missing from my laptop pad, thanks to dear dottie

Dear dottie somehow has an exceptionally high pain threshold. She cried all the way to the hospital today for her jab, but was smiling when she had the jab.

She fell off the bed (again) the other day and was actually laughing.

Oh dear.

2 bananas gives an excellent laxative effect. Dear dottie was constipated for 3 days and was refusing food as probably her bowels were full with whatever she has in there. After having 2 mashed bananas (which took around 1 1/2 painstaking hours to finish) she pooped.

Yayy

This overexcited mummy thought dear dottie had finished doing her thing, brought her to the toilet immediately for a wash. But then she pooped in the sink, again, again and again.

Bananas can do wonders.

At least I knew whats been going into her mouth.

Those days

2008-07-29T03:40:00.000-07:00

Some of my friends and family were asking when my baby will have a sibling. They say, might as well as I am currently not busy with work. If it was that easy, having a baby, of course I would. Everytime the question is asked I kept saying 'its quality, not quantity that matters'. I have stopped saying that now, as a child comes from Allah swt, a blessing.

During my 9 months of pregnancy, it was so memorable, alhamdulillah.

I managed to work up until 2 weeks before I gave birth. I was doing my renal rotation and my legs were so swollen worst than any nephrotic patient on the ward. My sickness was quite bad but I pushed myself to go to work. Work is best to distract myself from thinking about being sick all the time.

There was a day when my nausea was really bad, I was doing the usual ward round, I had to excuse myself repeatedly to the patient as I had to run off to the toilet to vomit. After the 4th time, I gave up and went home.

I never knew heartburns could be so painful. While working I would ever so often ask the nurses for some Gaviscon. Some of time I didn't even need to ask as they already knew what I was after!

This is poor abang at 3 am getting some cocoa pops when I was feeling hungry.

I remember when my baby was in my tummy, she would dance, kick like a champ, wriggle and jiggle and have hiccups everytime I was in the hospital working. In the evening she would settle and go to sleep.

I was about ?27 weeks pregnant and still doing crash calls. The last one I did, I had to run from the wards outside to the car park with my big belly which was really uncomfortable. Surprisingly I wasn't the last one to arrive. Boy, was I fit or what (hahahh..those days). To be honest I totally forgot I was pregnant and ran like the wind. In case you're wondering, the patient survived.

As days progressed and tummy getting bigger, getting CT/MRI/USSs would be so easy. Just request, the radiologists would glance at my tummy, and lo and behold it would be done surprisingly quick. I suppose they took pity on a pregnant doctor having to travel a few floors down to request scans.

Sometimes, abang would remind me of the days before our baby came. We would be playing scrabble in the evenings and usually dear abang would win (thats because he always adds ed, s, ing or modifies my word!). The last game of scrabble we played was displayed for quite some time as I had to be admitted into hospital. Nowadays, the scrabble box is just collecting dust.

I think my entries are getting longer with time. Wonder how dear abang will react with me posting his sleepy pic online.

Chicken run

2008-07-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

Dear abang and daughter are peacefully sleeping after a large chicken biryani meal, daughter had chicken rice porridge..

We have been cooking less chicken since the scare from my friend who said that her dad who owns a butcher shop decided to investigate where his halal chickens came from.

So her dad went to the farm where halal chickens were produced and asked around. He was surprised that the person in charge of the slaughter of chickens did not even know what halal meant. Plus he was not a muslim.

Abang said for that person, as he already knows that the chicken is not halal, then it is haram for him to eat it. But to other people, who understands it is halal and tend not to investigate further then it is still halal for them to eat it.

Islam is so flexible mashaAllah

Just mention bismillah always before you eat..

I know some people who avoid halal meat completely as they are not sure of its origin. It may sound extreme but may Allah grant them more rewards for looking after their Iman.

So we have been trying to avoid chicken as much as possible since that day. I think until today, we haven't had any for more than a month. Not that darling dottie likes it anyway. I think she prefers fish better.

The one thing about dottie and abang during mealtime is that darling dottie would always rub her eyes and face when her mouth is full of whatever food she is eating. Her face would then be smeared with food until you can only see her two eyes and nostrils.

Abang, for whatever reason cannot see her like this. This reminds him of some yuckie memories during his days in boarding school - something of biscuit dipped with tea. Which makes him want to vomit. So I'm usually stuck in the middle between a puree coated baby and dear abang who is feeling sick.

Lets try some pictures. This is my current wallpaper. I managed to change it after my mad laptop decided by itself to change my previous wallpaper to my baby's animal pictures as the background.

Another week

2008-07-25T04:08:00.000-07:00

Really, time flies by so fast!

My little baby, born at 2.684kg is now nearly a whooping 8 kg. At 7 months old she is learning fast and absorbing every single detail like a sponge. She will grow up fast, become a toddler, go to school etc. I just wish I can be there for her everytime. But she will learn, she will have her own problems, she will become independant, she will think differently. And these experiences will make her who she will be in the future.

Now she is asleep the house, once again is so quiet.

I said that too soon, she has actually just woken up and heading towards this laptop so this mummy needs to be quick.

Now I think I understand why babies love remote controls and mobile phones. They are interested in everything that their parents always have around and hold. Like my book which has no pictures whatsoever has never failed to entertain this little one. Ask me what she does with it, I actually have no idea.

You should see this laptop, it has already gone rongak, some of its keys has gone missing thanks to my little baby. My mobile phone has got bits of dried Farley's Rusk in its earpiece. That reminds me I really need to clean it, abang and everybody calling me needed to shout in order for me to hear them.

There she is yelling away with her baby biscuit. She loves blowing POWER raspberries. Whatever bits of food in her mouth will propel miles away. Interestingly her bib would be spotless while mummy and her dear daddy would be covered with food during mealtimes.

Thats her, nonetheless I love you baby

Akak, my elder sister is now wearing braces. Yes totally out of the topic but can't wait to see her. The world actually shines when she smiles.

These days

2008-07-19T05:31:00.001-07:00

You don't always get what you want in life. You give and take. The best things in life are free. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Abang is away this weekend and I miss him so much. He was genuinely happy with the beanie hat I bought him. His impression of MC Hammer the other day wearing the new beanie was so comical. It was time he changed his old worn snow cap which often catches peoples attention on a hot summer day.

Now he is away, I don't know why I always think about the early days of our marriage.

Married life, alhamdulillah is great. So far, so good. I have a lovely daughter and husband. I am on an ever-so-relaxing career break. Though, there are things that I always think about. I can't make everyone happy. I can't have everything I want. There are things that sadden me deeply. There are things that I regret. There are always things that I wish I could have done differently.

But at the end of the day I am more than thankful to be a muslim. In my sadness I remind myself that this life is not forever. So this sadness or happiness will not last. All that has happened is Allah's will. I have taught myself to stop thinking 'what if..' . I cry in my prayers and ask from Allah swt, nothing more, nothing less.

Quiet? day

2008-07-08T05:26:00.001-07:00

Darling daughter has just mastered the skill of screaming the house down. It started last weekend when we went to London as hubby wanted to see his friend. Darling daughter wanted to sleep but it was too noisy and she was disturbed from sleep repeatedly. So she decided to be fully alert.. and started screaming. Not crying. Screaming. Extremely loud.

So shes been doing it since, night and day. Evening and morning.

The house is soo quiet at the moment now that shes asleep.

Just thinking of it makes my ears ring

If our neighbours complain I think I would just stare at them blankly, expressionless- to show off my lack of sleep.

Of abang and daughter

2008-06-27T02:35:00.000-07:00

Ever since darling daughter had her first fell off the bed accident (under my supervision), my darling hubby would always check upon her whilst she is sleeping/make sure there are pillows at the side of the bed/advice me constantly to put pillows/double check again to make sure she is safe.

Every time darling daughter is left with hubby, and he needed to do something like to the toilet, the thing I noticed is that a fort of duvet and pillows will be surrounding her. She would be tucked away to the wall side of the bed babbling away to be rescued.

Then sometimes I will rescue her.

The other time I just put pillows at the side of the bed again and left her for a minute she managed to kick the pillows off the bed. When I came back she had rolled to the side of the bed, to the very edge, contemplating whether to roll again or not.

Just in time. Pheww

Hai anakkuuu

2008-06-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

Darling daughter would not sleep.

I have done everything I could think of and here she is babbling away beside me. She even managed to talk to dear hubby at work on the phone. Then tried to eat the phone. Last night was the same, so tired waiting for her to fall asleep, I slept first. Don't know what really happened next but dear hubby said she eventually fell asleep, trying to roll on her tummy whilst asleep.

There she goes again.

Sometimes I think if I listen carefully, her babbles does mean something. Like the other night, when we came back from her best friend's house, she was babbling nonstop. Asking her if she missed her friend, and mentioning her friend's name, she went silent. And started babbling again.

She has now gone quiet poking the little teddies on my trousers with her finger.

Oh well

Friday

2008-06-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

Made chocolate cheese brownies today and they burnt. Feel like crying. I am so hopeless in baking. Hopefully the cupcakes I plan to make for darling hubby's birthday will turn out great.

Darling dotty is peacefully sleeping. She's wearing her new T with bright pink joggers. Was grinning to sleep in them.

Darling hubby will be travelling to the midlands today. Me and dotty will be staying at dotty's best friend's house. Hopefully all goes well.

Books

2008-06-16T06:14:00.000-07:00

I am chuffed. The books I bought on Amazon.com has arrived and boy, are they thick or what. Maybe I can finish them if I stop wasting time browsing through blogs and stuff. But reading people's blogs are FUN.

Anyhoo, weekend was short and fun. We went to Borders and bought some mags, and went to Sir Hillier's Garden to practice some photography.

Darling dotty is fast asleep, finally. I think she's a bit under the weather today.

Weekend

2008-06-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

Another weekend...

There is darling hubby doing his work on the computer, darling dotty is sleeping peacefully and I'm typing away. Not much to do this weekend, and the weather looks rather gloomy too.

Darling dotty is growing beautifully and she seems to be so smart. No kidding. Wonder how she'll be in a few months time. Time flies so fast..

Crap

2008-05-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

Really crap..

Another unefficient day for me. Whilst my daughter is asleep, I managed to waste a good few hours on the internet, just browsing through blogs and pics without gaining anything useful today. There is so much to do and here I am even managing to write an entry in this new blog.

Though did manage to make some yummy cookies with extra walnuts and chocolate chips for darling hubby when he comes home from work.

Just waiting for my baby to call out for me now..

Will write again soon.